The hot August night wasn't just hot, but unusually balmy. After loading up our black and white for the night, I asked my partner one of the most important questions to start a night, "Are you hungry?"
"I'm starving." Thank goodness. It's never good when I'm hungry and my partner who is driving isn't and won't stop to eat. It makes for a long and cranky watch. We decided to go to one of the better burger places in the division. It's drive thru configuration looked like this,
with one lane close to the street and the other closer to the main building. We then sat in the streetside lane, in line awaiting our delicious burgers to start morning watch. About a minute goes by and we see one of the many transsexual prostitutes in the precinct walking north up the street. My partner's driving tonight, he turns away from the dragon and looks at me and says, "Oh, man . . . " I just shake my head and chuckle. Within about five seconds I get that eerie someone is staring at me vibe and I turn to my right and I see a young Armenian kid in the other drive thru lane, in the driver's seat of a white van. He's leering that really dopey Oh man I totally see a fine looking chick leer. I'm perfectly content to leave him with his illusion. But then he had to say, "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice."
I didn't exaggerate that. He drew out the word nice to last at least three full seconds. Go try that and time it yourself. Pretty douche-tastic, no? Well my partner and I answered in unison,
"For a dude!"
The kid's face instantly went from a healthy olive tone to a sickly grey upon realizing he was vividly picturing doing X-rated things to what turned out to be a goon. In the span of a heartbeat his expression went from happy horn dog to emotionally scarred for life. The best reply he could muster was a weak chuckle and, "Naw, man ... no ... " that trailed off into the night. What immediately followed was his van full of his buddies loudly laughing at their friend's hubris.